As I was sitting there today, watching my cookie sink down into the milk as it slowly filled each crack, I realized I didn't care anymore. I don't want to waste all of my time trying to fix something that wants to be broken. I keep telling her to be strong, that she's better than this and she can get over it, but I don't think she can anymore. It's all for attention now, for people to look at her and whisper "Poor girl." She wants the sympathy and I'm not going to feel it to her any longer. It's not worth my life trying to make sure she doesn't take her own out for a cry of "Someone look at me, because I'm tragically gorgeous." I don't care about what people have gone through; the result is the only thing that matters. I want to see how they got over it. I want to see the smile even though they hurt inside. And she, she just wants to throw that hurt in everyone's face to show them she's really there. Maybe it is to prove to herself that she's there, to find the attention that others get. Little does she know, she had all the attention. Everyone loved her, everyone smiled when they saw her, then we cried when she got hurt, and now we roll our eyes out of sheer tiredness of the same old routine.
I don't want to hear it, but I've been putting up with it for a very long time now. I check up on her just to make sure she's not killing herself. And now that I think of it, if she really did, I would just hope she was happy with the outcome. I doubt she would be.
And I am not going to say that I didn't warn her, and I will repeat over and over again, "I told you so." She did not deserve what happened to her, not in the least, and I wish it never had. But I will say that it was her fault. She was the one who betrayed all of her morals for a cheap make-out session, and what did she expect to happen when she got into the back of a car with him? Was it all supposed to be rainbows and sunshine? Why don't people ever listen to their friends? Not just her friends, everyone who ever met him. We all told you we didn't like him. I hated him from the moment I saw him. I am not only the best friend, but the empath, the indigo child with five-and-a-half senses, yet he was the first goddamn boy to show interest in her and she threw herself at him with all her might. All the while she said things like "You don't see him the way I do." Yeah, I've heard those words before and not a single time did it turn out well. Sure, they see him a different way than I do. They see a mask of "I love you" and I see the truth, that they are a scumbag looking for a good lay.
She knew what she was getting into and she didn't listen for the sake of being a rebel, to break free from the mold of her normal life in the worst way possible.
She once said that she was no better than a person she hated. She was right, absolutely right. And the person she hated at least feels like she is in love, wants to live life and gets over herself for moments of clarity. At least that person can admit she has done wrong.
I am so tired of hearing the constant whining, the fake tears, going to those terribly planned parties and pretending that everything is all right. I have been dealing with her and this situation for six months now. A half a year that I've completely wasted. She used to be one of my best friends. I climbed through her window, didn't knock when I came in the front door, and I sat through the dumbest events with animals that I am allergic to. I did things for her, we did things together, I helped her every step of the way and I smiled when she said things that didn't please me. I sat through church activities with her, sang hymns even though I am a witch just because she needed me to be there. She needed so I did all I could to be whatever she wanted me to.
And now I'm sick and tired of all her bullshit. I don't care what happens to her anymore. I don't care about the color of her hair, how she parts it, what shirt she is wearing, how she feels, what medications she's on or her drifting in and out of the hospital for problems she does not have.
I just want her to shut the hell up, get over herself and continue on with life. If she doesn't want to live anymore, fine by me. Maybe she could finally be happy.